getting to no

It was yesterday. And I behaved very much like an adult.

I had just gotten up from my post-Vancouver-conference-trip sleepathon, and was happy to see my friend Helen stop by for tea. She didn’t just come to visit, though: she also had a spare U2 ticket that she offered to me. For tonight.

The Messenger, by Mike LaNasa (somedesignerguy on flickr) used under Creative Commons license.

I can’t say that it wasn’t tempting. Very, in fact. I’m of the age. I got my first U2 concert T-shirt in 1987, and it is now in the bottom of a drawer–the joshua tree is see-through threadbare–but I can’t get let it go. I saw U2 at the same open-air stadium where they are playing tonight in (I think?) 1996. It was amazing. Adrenaline-rushing, mind-expanding, emotion-bursting, “we’re here with one purpose” amazing.

And today? Today I’m tired. (Yesterday, I was tired.) I know that when I’m tired, I start heading into my own personal no-man’s-land. I’m worn out a little, and this would have sent me into that low place.

Today, everyone I talked to, everyone on my facebook stream, were all talking about going to the show tonight. There’s still a free ticket out there (well, I hope that they found someone for it). I would love to see U2. I would love to be a part of the excitement. I could possibly have pushed myself to go. And loved it.

But while the band is on the stage right now, I know that I’m doing the right thing. I’m learning my limits, and what healthy decisions look like. I said no.

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